As the days pass by and the visible signs of my heart bypass operation start to heal, I want to do more for myself and to help around the house.

Add to that the fact that I have never had so much time off work before and that my brain is starting to tick over again!

There’s a 60 page rule book for your recovery from open heart surgery but the main points are that I can’t lift more than 5lb of weight and I can’t drive. The principle being with the first restriction to not to stress the rib cage repair and the latter is the life threatening impact that an accident in a vehicle would have on the rib cage.

Five pounds is not a lot if you think about it. Simply stated, I can’t lift a kettle of water to make a hot drink. I can’t more a chair to sit down on my own or even move a bag of shopping.

I am very lucky with my wife doing it all but I can’t imagine how others who are alone actually manage.

But the problem is that the visible scars are only part of it and it is the internal repairing that is most critical with time needed for my rib cage to knit back together. Similarly it is taking time for the swelling to go down in my leg from around the three grafts. The Doctors have explained that with the removal of three major veins, that my vascular system has to rebuild and network new pathways for the blood to move around my leg.

Well that would explain why my foot is twice its normal size and I struggle to put any shoes on.

Walking is the answer to accelerate this part of my healing but with the new snow on the ground and unsuitable footwear that fits, I can’t get outside for any length of time.

Frustrating but I have to be patient.

The Doctors and Nurses talked a lot about being conscious of your mental health through the recovery period. You hear what they are saying but at those times you’re distracted with the discomfort and pain so you don’t really understand it.

With the endless empty hours in front of me, such a contrast from my normal hectic life when working, I have started to feel depressed and claustrophobic. My wife and have have one of those relationships where we can sense that something’s not quite right, so we talk and we get through those times.

It’s not easy. I feel a sense of loss, of hopelessness and uncertainty about the future. Considering that my operation has given me a new lease of life and really the opposite of all those feelings; it takes a lot of personal resolve to not let the negativity take hold.

You never really notice any impact from clearing your throat or sneezing normally but when your rib cage has been broken and your chest muscles are tender, it’s like being hit by a bus! (I can only imagine that would be preferable...!)

I have this niggling cough that is sometimes triggered with cold air or dry environments (we think) and tends to start around the time I am trying to sleep.

My instinct is to tense up when I feel a cough or sneeze coming and as a result I feel like I have pulled one of the muscles in my chest and with that a dull ache throughout the day.

So that’s the latest painful nuisance to add to the list and which takes away from all the visible gains I am now making.

I have explained before that I set out to record my journey for two reasons. One to offer some first hand experience to others who might be facing this procedure in the future and the second to help my mentally download and release some of the stress from the whole thing.

As I write this now, and with the benefit of sleeping some last night, I am feeling optimistic again. I do have hope and sometimes I can imagine coming out of this and moving forward with my life again.

I can’t wait to be the husband to my wife and the Dad to my kids again. The way I really want to be and without the pain and uncertainty.